Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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