what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
