We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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