just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
