I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
