Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
