Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
