thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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