Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
