dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
