My brain says no but my pants say off.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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