I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
