Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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