Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
