I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
