Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
