I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
