Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
