Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
