Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
