u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
