he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
