Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
