I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
