Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
