Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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