Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
