You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
