Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
