We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
