Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
