apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
