You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
