just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
