This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
