Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this hospital has no fireball
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
