At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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