I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
