hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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