Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
