The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
