Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
