How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
