Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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