If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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