So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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