you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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