He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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