you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
