i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
