Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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